I think I'm becoming an angrier person these days. More accurately, I think I'm reverting back to the angry kid I used to be. You may not know it, but I used to be a pretty quick-tempered child. I talked a lot too, so that meant I said a lot of things that were mean-spirited to say the least. Usually, if someone said something to me and it wasn't to my liking, I'd snap right back in their face. I was really good at it...
Somewhere along the line, I like to think that I found Jesus. Hahaha... I'm not actually sure what it was, but I mellowed out a lot. I stopped arguing with my parents so much or fighting with my sisters or snapping back at people. Yeah, I had the occasional outburst here and there, but it wasn't like it was happening on a consistent basis like before.
So what has happened to me now? Well, aside from my annual New Year's Eve argument with my mother (going on strong two years now), much of the anger comes on the basketball court. I've had a couple episodes so far, and I don't really like it.
What these incidents, whether on or off the court, boil down to is pride, and I have much more of it than I thought I did. My biggest pet peeve? Ironically, I hate arrogant people. I read somewhere in one of C. S. Lewis' writings that "the more pride one had, the more one disliked pride in others." So what does that say about me? I'm probably the cockiest bastard there is... Or maybe I flatter myself too much... The point is that I'm far more proud that I could ever imagine.
This all brings me to another problem. I HATE apologizing to people when I'm pretty sure the other party is more at fault than I am. Interestingly, this aversion to saying "sorry" doesn't really apply to the fairer sex. I'm more than willing to apologize to women, girls, whatever you wanna call them, because 1) more than likely, I was probably at fault, 2) more than likely, I was probably at fault, and 3) more than likely, I was probably at fault. (You might say that surely, girls cannot be so innocent, but I talk out of my ass.) The worst case scenario by far is when a girl starts to cry. What the hell can you do but say "sorry?" Of course, this apology usually follows the apparently insensitive question (which I'm only asking to make sure), "Are you crying?" Sigh... Anyway, when it comes to guys, I just can't get myself to offer an apology, call a truce, whatever... Simply put, I'm right and they're wrong... Why should I even bother? And this is once again where that great sin enters my heart...
It's funny how I remember some of Pastor Eugene's illustrations. I remember something along the lines of removing boulders, rocks, and pebbles from your own metaphorical quarry. I'm not quite clear what the whole point was, but this is what I understood. A person first excavates the boulders, which represent the "big" sins in our lives. It takes a while, but it's done eventually. Once these boulders are out of the way, the person finds a multitude of rocks that need to be removed. Similarly, the rocks symbolize the "medium" sins. It's a lighter load but there are sooo many rocks to clear. It's an uphill battle but after years and years, the site is clear of these rocks. Finally, all that's left are the little pebbles. The problem is that it's impossible to get rid of the pebbles because there's an infinite number of them. But even so, the person labors ceaselessly.
So what in the world am I saying? I'm not sure. But I remember that analogy.
Somewhere along the line, I like to think that I found Jesus. Hahaha... I'm not actually sure what it was, but I mellowed out a lot. I stopped arguing with my parents so much or fighting with my sisters or snapping back at people. Yeah, I had the occasional outburst here and there, but it wasn't like it was happening on a consistent basis like before.
So what has happened to me now? Well, aside from my annual New Year's Eve argument with my mother (going on strong two years now), much of the anger comes on the basketball court. I've had a couple episodes so far, and I don't really like it.
What these incidents, whether on or off the court, boil down to is pride, and I have much more of it than I thought I did. My biggest pet peeve? Ironically, I hate arrogant people. I read somewhere in one of C. S. Lewis' writings that "the more pride one had, the more one disliked pride in others." So what does that say about me? I'm probably the cockiest bastard there is... Or maybe I flatter myself too much... The point is that I'm far more proud that I could ever imagine.
This all brings me to another problem. I HATE apologizing to people when I'm pretty sure the other party is more at fault than I am. Interestingly, this aversion to saying "sorry" doesn't really apply to the fairer sex. I'm more than willing to apologize to women, girls, whatever you wanna call them, because 1) more than likely, I was probably at fault, 2) more than likely, I was probably at fault, and 3) more than likely, I was probably at fault. (You might say that surely, girls cannot be so innocent, but I talk out of my ass.) The worst case scenario by far is when a girl starts to cry. What the hell can you do but say "sorry?" Of course, this apology usually follows the apparently insensitive question (which I'm only asking to make sure), "Are you crying?" Sigh... Anyway, when it comes to guys, I just can't get myself to offer an apology, call a truce, whatever... Simply put, I'm right and they're wrong... Why should I even bother? And this is once again where that great sin enters my heart...
It's funny how I remember some of Pastor Eugene's illustrations. I remember something along the lines of removing boulders, rocks, and pebbles from your own metaphorical quarry. I'm not quite clear what the whole point was, but this is what I understood. A person first excavates the boulders, which represent the "big" sins in our lives. It takes a while, but it's done eventually. Once these boulders are out of the way, the person finds a multitude of rocks that need to be removed. Similarly, the rocks symbolize the "medium" sins. It's a lighter load but there are sooo many rocks to clear. It's an uphill battle but after years and years, the site is clear of these rocks. Finally, all that's left are the little pebbles. The problem is that it's impossible to get rid of the pebbles because there's an infinite number of them. But even so, the person labors ceaselessly.
So what in the world am I saying? I'm not sure. But I remember that analogy.
